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Parents - cut yourself some slack!

Pauline Henderson

Updated: Nov 9, 2021

Wake up, get showered & dressed, get the kids up, give them breakfast, get the kids dressed and teeth brushed, make the packed lunches, remember the PE kit/project/homework, do the school run, get to work and do the work, pick the kids up, get them to after school clubs/activities, make dinner, do the homework, do the housework, get kids bathed and ready for bed, tidy the house, get things ready for tomorrow to do it all over again. Sound familiar?


When you have kids your life becomes a manic series of tasks. You have to balance work, kids and a household as well as find time to fit in all the other things we’re told to do - like eat your 5 a day and a balanced diet; exercise for at least an hour a day; keep up with friends and family; plan in holidays and days out; meditate - seriously how many hours do they think are actually in a day??. And that’s before all the social media induced pressures of having your house spotless and ‘hinched’, taking the kids to their activities like dancing, football, Tae Kwon Do etc. And we wonder why more people are suffering from stress, anxiety and physical illnesses than ever before!


According to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, our basic needs are food, water, shelter, warmth and rest. We really are that simple by nature and yet we are going out of our way to over complicate our lives!


If you are struggling, then maybe it’s time to take a look at everything you have going on to see what can be removed or reduced. Simplify your life!


Some possible areas to think about:-


Cut down 'out of the house' activities


Kids don’t need to have activities every night after school and don’t need to be taken on days out every weekend or day of the holidays. It’s lovely that we want to spend so much time with our kids and have so many options and places we can take them. But actually we can be over-stimulating them (as well as creating an extra financial burden for ourselves).


In actual fact, it’s crucial for children’s development to be able to spend time by themselves and use their imagination. Give them a cardboard box to turn into a car/boat/spaceship etc; make a fort out of some cushions and blankets; let them have some messy play with rice, flour, paints; let them jump in muddy puddles or make mud pies in the garden.


They need to develop the skills of self-soothing when they are upset; developing their creativity and imagination; feeling OK with being on their own; learning the skills to be quiet and relax (which will benefit their mental health big time). Not only will you free up some time and money, you are allowing your kids to develop the skills they need in later life.

My kids are now 22 and 16 and can barely remember a lot of the nice days out at the Theme parks, zoos, safari parks, or the holidays we went on. And although you capture the memories on photos and video they aren't interested in watching them! Chances are your kids will be the same so save the stress and the money and make more fun at home, and help them develop their skills for later life.


Review your finances/house/job


If you are in a stressful job that you don’t like or that takes up more time than you would like, consider if you need to stay there or can look for something else smaller or cheaper.


Most parents have to work these days as we have houses, cars, childcare, bills etc. But consider if you really need a house that big, or could get by with one car/an older car, or if you reduce your house size/mortgage you could cut your hours and not need as much childcare etc. There is more to life than having the dream house or dream car and you can’t enjoy these things if you are stressing about time or money


Stop buying into commercialism


We are being manipulated into buying extra stuff we don’t need. Think of our basic needs. Think of the planet – the carbon footprint to make stuff we don't use and then throw away.


Most of the stuff we buy kids ends up being cleared out months later and put in the bin or given to charity, and it will more or less be unused. They get so much, but most of the time they are only interested in certain things. I remember one year my mum asked my oldest daughter what she had got from Santa - she excitedly told her about this Simpsons game she had got. Did she mention the TV she had got for her bedroom (which she had asked for), or the expensive doll etc? No, her favourite gift was a £5 electronic game I had picked up as a stocking filler!


We’re being manipulated into believing that somehow we’ll be happy once we buy X, Y or Z. I saw in a documentary last year that there used to be 4 seasons for fashion changing (in line with the actual weather seasons) but now there are 52 seasons in the fashion calendar as it changes weekly. We have become a society of instant gratification, commercialism and waste and are being manipulated everywhere with ads, images etc convincing us to buy all the stuff!


Are we any happier? No.


Are those companies selling us the stuff richer? Hell Yes.


Stop worrying about other people


Stop worrying what other people think. As the saying goes ‘what other people think of you is none of your business’. People will always think what they want, regardless of your actions, as they are on their own journey. It’s OK for your house not to be spotless; for your kids not to be in perfect matching outfits; for you not to wear designer labels you can’t afford; for you to go the gym in non-matching top and bottoms; for you not to post selfies; for you to just relax and be happy!


Also, don't worry about what you see on social media and that you don't have your life together as much as Jane Doe, or your house isn't immaculate like Mrs Bloggs down the road, or that you aren't always out 'living your best life' (man I hate that expression).


Cut yourself some slack


I’m not saying it’s easy but you deserve a life and to be happy. You're doing a great job. You don't need to justify or prove yourself to anyone, and you don't need to get up with the Joneses. Those who love you will do so unconditionally. As long as you and your family's basic needs are being met, then that's all you really need.


Cut yourself some slack! Take back some time for you! Save yourself some cash! Simplify!

Pauline

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